Natalie's Island

前情提要，Hannah Gadsby生于澳大利亚一个非常传统的城市，她本人是同性恋。这场演出是她的告别演出。

以下翻译了原show 50分钟之后的部分，但还是建议有条件原来的视频。文字难免断章取义，有些翻译也失去了原词句的词义。演出本身则非常、非常、非常有力量。

“脱口秀一般都是关于神父恋童癖或者川普摸了哪个女人的段子。我没时间讲那些。你们知道吗，莫妮卡·莱温斯基曾经是喜剧人最爱调侃的对象。如果那时候我们没有调侃受害者，而是把火力聚集到那些滥用职权的男人身上，今天白宫里或许就可以坐着一个中年女性，有着相关的政治经验，而不是看着一个男人公开宣扬自己的性侵史。“

Comedy is more used to throwaway jokes about priests being pedophiles and Trump grabbing the pussy. I don’t have time for that shit. I don’t. Do you know who used to be an easy punch line? Monica Lewinsky. Maybe, if comedians had done their job properly, and made fun of the man who abused his power, then perhaps we might have had a middle-aged woman with an appropriate amount of experience in the White House, instead of, as we do, a man who openly admitted to sexually assaulting vulnerable young women because he could.

“还有什么应该成为我们调侃的对象？对名誉的沉迷。我们太看重名誉了，认为名誉高于一切，甚至高于人性。名人毫无疑问崇尚名誉，喜剧人也一样，川普、伍迪艾伦、毕加索……这些男人不是例外，他们是规则本人。他们不是个体，他们是我们的故事。而这些故事的核心是：我们根本他妈的不在乎。女人或儿童？关我屁事。我们只关心男人的名誉。“

Do you know what should be the target of our jokes at the moment? Our obsession with reputation. We’re obsessed. We think reputation is more important than anything else, including humanity. … These men are not exceptions, they are the rule. And they are not individuals, they are our stories. And the moral of our story is, “We don’t give a shit. We don’t give a fuck… about women or children. We only care about a man’s reputation.”

（Hannah讲到这里很激动）

“我道歉。我知道有些人会讲，‘你看，她失去控制了‘。很对。我的确不擅长控制愤怒，尤其在舞台上，我也不应该愤怒。我原本是应该讲一些自嘲的段子的。

男性愤怒的时候观众就会放松一点，他们才是这种风格的主导者。我愤怒的时候，就变成了一个可怜的女同性恋斤斤计较。

男性愤怒的时候，wow，言论自由的英雄！我很喜欢白人男性的喜剧，非常好笑，非常有魅力。问题是：他们有什么可愤怒的？小朋友啊。他们好像是笼子里的金丝雀。如果他们也觉得生活艰难，余下的人大概已经死掉了。“

Look, I am angry. I apologize. I do, I apologize. I know… I know there’s a few people in the room going, “Now, look… I think… she’s lost control of the tension.” That’s correct. I went on it a bit there. So, I’m not very experienced in controlling anger. It’s not my place to be angry on a comedy stage. I’m meant to be doing… self-deprecating humor. People feel safer when men do the angry comedy. They’re the kings of the genre. When I do it, I’m a miserable lesbian, ruining all the fun and the banter. When men do it, heroes of free speech. I love… angry white man comedy. It’s so funny, it’s hilarious. They’re adorable. Why are they angry? What’s up, little fella? What are they angry about? Gosh, can’t work it out. They’re like the canaries in the mine, aren’t they? If they’re having a tough time… the rest of us are goners.

“别人一直说我是厌男症。我不讨厌男人，真的，我也不相信女性比男性更好。我认为当我们给予女性无上权力之后，女性和男性一样会堕落——但男人们，你们不能拥有不可撼动的权力，尤其在人性问题上。但如你所见，权力对于你们来说与生俱来，而如果你们不能接受批评、接受玩笑、或者不动用暴力来解决矛盾，你应该想想你还想要这个权力吗？“

All my life, I’ve been told that I’m a man-hater. I don’t hate men, I honestly do not. I don’t hate men. But… there’s a problem. See, I don’t even believe that women are better than men. I believe women are just as corruptible by power as men, because you know what, fellas, you don’t have a monopoly on the human condition, you arrogant fucks. But the story is as you have told it. Power belongs to you. And if you can’t handle criticism, take a joke, or deal with your own tension without violence, you have to wonder if you are up to the task of being in charge.

“我不讨厌男人，但我惧怕他们。如果我是一整屋男性里唯一的女性，我感到害怕。如果你觉得我这种害怕只是少数，那么你根本不了解你身边的任何女性。

我不讨厌男人，但我好奇如果他们处在我的位置会作何感想。因为是男性性侵了我，是男性在我17岁最好的年纪里殴打我，是男性在我童年的时候性侵我，是男性在我20多岁的时候几乎强奸了我。为什么这些都是可以接受的？你们不如直接把我拖去后院然后击毙了我——如果那是我作为主流群体之外的人所必须付出的代价！“

I’m not a man-hater. But I’m afraid of men. If I’m the only woman in a room full of men, I am afraid. And if you think that’s unusual, you’re not speaking to the women in your life. I don’t hate men, but I wonder how a man would feel if they’d lived my life. Because it was a man who sexually abused me when I was a child. It was a man who beat the shit out of me when I was 17, my prime. It was two men who raped me when I was barely in my twenties. Tell me why is that okay. Why was it okay to pick me off the pack like that and do that to me? It would have been more humane to just take me out to the back paddock and put a bullet in my head if it is that much of a crime to be different!

“我不想说这些，是因为我不希望你们把我当成一个受害者。我不是受害者，因为我的故事有它的价值。我今天把这些故事说出来是因为我希望你们知道，失去了权力不意味着失去人性。你的韧性才是韧性。只有那些认为他们有权力欺凌权力下端的人才丧失了人性——他们才是软弱的人！”

I don’t tell you this… so you think of me as a victim. I am not a victim. I tell you this because my story has value. My story has value. I tell you this ’cause I want you to know, I need you to know, what I know. To be rendered powerless does not destroy your humanity. Your resilience is your humanity. The only people who lose their humanity are those who believe they have the right to render another human being powerless. They are the weak.

“生长而不夭折，这需要惊人的力量。你摧毁了一个女人，你也摧毁了她所经历的一切。我无法接受我的故事被毁灭。我把我的故事讲出来，不是为了被谴责，不是为了保护名誉，不是为了钱和权力……我希望我不是一个人。我希望感受到连结，我希望我的故事被听到。毕加索很可能是对的，如果我们从各个视角来看问题，我们的确可以画出更好的画。多元是力量。差别是老师。如果你惧怕差异，你什么都学不到。“

To yield and not break, that is incredible strength. You destroy the woman, you destroy the past she represents. I will not allow my story… to be destroyed. What I would have done to have heard a story like mine. Not for blame. Not for reputation, not for money, not for power. But to feel less alone. To feel connected. I want my story… heard. Because, ironically, I believe Picasso was right. I believe we could paint a better world if we learned how to see it from all perspectives, as many perspectives as we possibly could. Because diversity is strength. Difference is a teacher. Fear difference, you learn nothing. “

没有什么比一个被摧毁的女性重新站起来更强大。

“There is nothing stronger than a broken woman who has rebuilt herself. “

舞台下的男性——你们一定觉得我整晚都在针对你们吧。没错。但这只是舞台，我的故事只持续一小时，我的人生却有一辈子。我所受到的伤害太严重了，我无法完全愈合。这就是，我为什么必须离开脱口秀舞台的原因。因为只有这样，我才能毫无畏惧地表达我的愤怒，因为我有任何权力去愤怒！

To the men in the room… who feel I may have been persecuting you this evening… well spotted. That’s pretty much what I’ve done there. But this is theater, fellas. I’ve given you an hour, a taste. I have lived a life. The damage done to me is real and debilitating. I will never flourish. But this is why… I must quit comedy. Because the only way… I can tell my truthand put tension in the room is with anger. And I am angry, and I believe I’ve got every right to be angry!

但我不应该做的是，传播这种愤怒。因为愤怒和笑声一样，可以把整场陌生人联系在一起。但不一样的是，愤怒无法解决冲突。愤怒本身就是冲突。愤怒是有毒的、可以传染的冲突。愤怒除了盲目传递憎恨之外没有任何意义，因为我不愿意传播愤怒。

But what I don’t have a right to do is to spread anger. I don’t. Because anger, much like laughter, can connect a room full of strangers like nothing else. But anger, even if it’s connected to laughter, will not… relieve tension. Because anger is a tension. It is a toxic, infectious… tension. And it knows no other purpose than to spread blind hatred, and I want no part of it.

我视我的言论自由为一种责任。仅仅因为我可以把自己当成受害者，并不使我的愤怒更有意义。愤怒永远没有意义。笑话不是我们的解药，笑话只是把苦涩的现实裹上了糖衣，故事本身才是最终答案。

Because I take my freedom of speech as a responsibility, and just because I can position myself as a victim, does not make my anger constructive. It never is constructive. Laughter is not our medicine. Stories hold our cure. Laughter is just the honey that sweetens the bitter medicine.

我没打算用笑声或者愤怒连结你们，我只希望把我的故事讲出来，让大众听到。因为，无论你相不相信，我的故事就是你的故事。我没有力气再美化我的故事了，我也不愿意用愤怒来定义我的故事。我只希望你，可以和我站在一起，理解我的故事。

I don’t want to unite you with laughter or anger. I just needed my story heard, my story felt and understood by individuals with minds of their own. Because, like it or not, your story… is my story. And my story… is your story. I just don’t have the strength to take care of my story anymore. I don’t want my story defined by anger. All I can ask is just please help me take care of my story.

你知道梵高为什么画出了向日葵吗？不是因为梵高经历了痛苦，而是因为他有一个全心全意爱着他的哥哥。在他经历的所有折磨之外，他还有爱作为和世界的连结。这才是我们需要的故事。谢谢。

Do you know why we have the sunflowers? It’s not because Vincent van Gogh suffered. It’s because Vincent van Gogh had a brother who loved him. Through all the pain, he had a tether, a connection to the world. And that… is the focus of the story we need. Connection. Thank you.